are we human?or are we dancers?

it has been way too long of a day. woke up at four am. and actually did a lot of productive things. unfortunately, my mind was too stressed out and worried to actually feel like i spent my day effectively. because to me it seems like all i did was sit around, worry, try to keep myself calm, occupied, and relaxed...... ahhh. i need answers.

the good things of my day:

*i got to work alot on my art journal, which i never really take the time to do until deadlines, so its nice to have gotten a head start.

*i took my dad to the airport this morning at 4, which meant my mom got to sleep, and which also meant i got to come home at six and climb back into bed, which is always fun.

*i worked on other important homework.

*i made an awesome lunch of cheesy eggs and honeybutter toast. dont make fun, its good stuff :)

*jenna is home.

*i pampered myself, and took a nice long bath and used my new french rose petal soap.

*i took a nap

*burned incense {part of my relaxing}

im excited for dinner with annemarie tomorrow.... i have so much to talk to her about, and miss her dearly. i miss a lot of people...

alright, goodnight kids.

missions.

so, i really want to get myself plugged into missions in richmond. last sunday i learned about almost twenty different missions ministries in the downtown richmond area, that take place at various times during the week. tomorrow i plan on getting in contact with one or a few of these missions, to see which one i would be able to help out the most :).

"bringing hope, healing, and health to the City of Richmond through 
prayer, mission, and worship."

minted

mint nail polish, snow, hopes of no school, hot chocolate, incense, and happiness!

{happy wednesday all!}

one. twenty. four.

i have thought more passionatey and more intently, and more emotionally within the last week than i ever have, ever. and these things that i am thinking about and processing are heavy, important things. no, i wouldnt say that i am worrying. it's moreso just processing, milling over ideas, tracing different paths my life could take. i havent really talked it out with anyone, well, i did a little with one person, but its hard for me to talk to them full out and spill all my guts, i hold back a little with them. unfortunately, even when i try not to hold back, i do.

i miss some of my friends that i havent seen in a while. my life is hectic and busy, and i am beginning to develop a negative attitude with my body. shes not cooperating and i am noticing bulking. i know, this post is all over the place, but thats a relatively accurate example of how my mind and heart are thinking right now...all over the place. welp, happy monday. :)

past cant get me anymore.

so. things and people and problems of my past keep...reappearing, if you will. and at first, i get down, and then i think.... why am i letting the past ruin my present, and then i decide not to let it, and it makes me happy. :)

chicago....ahhh.... its growing more and more tempting. i talked to melody and she said she had "nothing negative to say about it at all" and then continued to share with me tips of the city and life in the big city, and the chicken lady... :)

i like melody alot, i also like god's timing, and i like hearing just the right thing at just the right time. god is opening doors, and i need to take the risk and walk through them. no matter how much it worries me.

good sunday. good life. good everything. :)

mind blown.

just recieved first letter from college... and im accepted into School of the Art institute of Chicago. wow, heather you were right :) haha...... ahhhh!

oxymoron.

life is so great.... and then things get rough... and i dont know why. and i dont really know what to do. and im not really down about it, or worried about it... but it does make me wonder.... how come once everything starts running smoothly, things are pulled apart and overanalysed?

serendipity.

i try to forget these wretched things that have happened to me, and things people have done to me, and things that make me upset, and worry me.... but they keep coming back, to haunt me. and i hate it.

and i always remember at the worst moments, and then i get down, sucked into my own secluded, world, and then people ask me whats wrong, and i cant do anything to explain it. i cant relay to them all the thoughts going through my head. i know memories are in the past. they cant physically come into the present and hurt me..... but time cant stop a memory.

memories defy time and space. memories are on a different dimension. they seep into your brain, and although most memories are wonderful and beautiful, and meant to be remembered. the evil memories sometimes come too....and those just need to die.

the only escape.

sleep is my escape. . sleep is the only way i can turn off the needless, pointless worry.

finally.