missions.

so, i really want to get myself plugged into missions in richmond. last sunday i learned about almost twenty different missions ministries in the downtown richmond area, that take place at various times during the week. tomorrow i plan on getting in contact with one or a few of these missions, to see which one i would be able to help out the most :).

"bringing hope, healing, and health to the City of Richmond through 
prayer, mission, and worship."

minted

mint nail polish, snow, hopes of no school, hot chocolate, incense, and happiness!

{happy wednesday all!}

one. twenty. four.

i have thought more passionatey and more intently, and more emotionally within the last week than i ever have, ever. and these things that i am thinking about and processing are heavy, important things. no, i wouldnt say that i am worrying. it's moreso just processing, milling over ideas, tracing different paths my life could take. i havent really talked it out with anyone, well, i did a little with one person, but its hard for me to talk to them full out and spill all my guts, i hold back a little with them. unfortunately, even when i try not to hold back, i do.

i miss some of my friends that i havent seen in a while. my life is hectic and busy, and i am beginning to develop a negative attitude with my body. shes not cooperating and i am noticing bulking. i know, this post is all over the place, but thats a relatively accurate example of how my mind and heart are thinking right now...all over the place. welp, happy monday. :)

past cant get me anymore.

so. things and people and problems of my past keep...reappearing, if you will. and at first, i get down, and then i think.... why am i letting the past ruin my present, and then i decide not to let it, and it makes me happy. :)

chicago....ahhh.... its growing more and more tempting. i talked to melody and she said she had "nothing negative to say about it at all" and then continued to share with me tips of the city and life in the big city, and the chicken lady... :)

i like melody alot, i also like god's timing, and i like hearing just the right thing at just the right time. god is opening doors, and i need to take the risk and walk through them. no matter how much it worries me.

good sunday. good life. good everything. :)

mind blown.

just recieved first letter from college... and im accepted into School of the Art institute of Chicago. wow, heather you were right :) haha...... ahhhh!

oxymoron.

life is so great.... and then things get rough... and i dont know why. and i dont really know what to do. and im not really down about it, or worried about it... but it does make me wonder.... how come once everything starts running smoothly, things are pulled apart and overanalysed?

serendipity.

i try to forget these wretched things that have happened to me, and things people have done to me, and things that make me upset, and worry me.... but they keep coming back, to haunt me. and i hate it.

and i always remember at the worst moments, and then i get down, sucked into my own secluded, world, and then people ask me whats wrong, and i cant do anything to explain it. i cant relay to them all the thoughts going through my head. i know memories are in the past. they cant physically come into the present and hurt me..... but time cant stop a memory.

memories defy time and space. memories are on a different dimension. they seep into your brain, and although most memories are wonderful and beautiful, and meant to be remembered. the evil memories sometimes come too....and those just need to die.

the only escape.

sleep is my escape. . sleep is the only way i can turn off the needless, pointless worry.

finally.

one. single. very important. wish

i wish i wish with all my heart to get home in time for new years.

amen.

college.

theres no way im gonna get in...

i know this seems ridiculous.

but... i miss my scale.

december 15.

argh. i look like a hot mess. not gonna prove it to you, but take my word for it. ive been taking picutures of my porfolio stuff all morning, and......i still am short of some stuff. so yeah, and i forgot to pick jenna up from school, so she called me and was like "hey, where are you?" and so then i went and got her. ummm.... i have to go buy my costume for tonight in like... and hour, and i have a ton of cleaning up to do and i have to get a shower. this blog is kinda pointless, but i figured, why not... haha :) alright... byeee.

{untitled one}

Well I wrote your name and burned it to see the color of the flame and it burned out the whole spectrum as if you were everything.

senior pics.

patrick wallace and i went to belle isle once again {this time for my senior pictures}. i loved having him shoot me, because he keeps me laughing, which keeps my natural smile. haha. which is one major reason why i wanted him to take my pictures. i have only seen three sofar, but i cannot wait to see the others!

so many wishes.

i wish for so many things....
.....magical things, beautiful things, amazing things.

set me free.

and send me to cali.

october moon

driving home from work tonight, i looked looked up in front of me, and was startled by the moon. she was burnt orange like a pumpkin, and huge..... and only a sliver of her could be seen. oh, how i love october moons :) and manchester orchestra. i need to make an october mix soon...

*side note. someone called me during work today, randomly, and, i couldnt/didnt want to answer. but then, later i texted them to check what they needed... "oh, im sorry, i butt-dialed"...and then they continued to text me about things i really dont care about anymore, so i just, didnt answer... butt-dialed my a**. i know that they called me on purpose.... it was too random for it to be a butt dial. and if it was. then thats one talented butt. i wish people would just... do something, or not do something. you cant just go halfway and turn around. at least admit to what you were trying to do. yes?

and i run to you.

stories and sticky pages.

i had a wonderful weekend full of surprises this weekend. including some serious quality time with my beautiful, annemarie, crossroads, hot chocolate, stawberry ice cream, stargazing and cell phone soccer, and sleeping under layers of blankets. i saw FIVE shooting stars last night! best.night.ever. :) love you babycakes.