one. single. very important. wish

i wish i wish with all my heart to get home in time for new years.

amen.

college.

theres no way im gonna get in...

i know this seems ridiculous.

but... i miss my scale.

december 15.

argh. i look like a hot mess. not gonna prove it to you, but take my word for it. ive been taking picutures of my porfolio stuff all morning, and......i still am short of some stuff. so yeah, and i forgot to pick jenna up from school, so she called me and was like "hey, where are you?" and so then i went and got her. ummm.... i have to go buy my costume for tonight in like... and hour, and i have a ton of cleaning up to do and i have to get a shower. this blog is kinda pointless, but i figured, why not... haha :) alright... byeee.

{untitled one}

Well I wrote your name and burned it to see the color of the flame and it burned out the whole spectrum as if you were everything.

senior pics.

patrick wallace and i went to belle isle once again {this time for my senior pictures}. i loved having him shoot me, because he keeps me laughing, which keeps my natural smile. haha. which is one major reason why i wanted him to take my pictures. i have only seen three sofar, but i cannot wait to see the others!

so many wishes.

i wish for so many things....
.....magical things, beautiful things, amazing things.

set me free.

and send me to cali.

october moon

driving home from work tonight, i looked looked up in front of me, and was startled by the moon. she was burnt orange like a pumpkin, and huge..... and only a sliver of her could be seen. oh, how i love october moons :) and manchester orchestra. i need to make an october mix soon...

*side note. someone called me during work today, randomly, and, i couldnt/didnt want to answer. but then, later i texted them to check what they needed... "oh, im sorry, i butt-dialed"...and then they continued to text me about things i really dont care about anymore, so i just, didnt answer... butt-dialed my a**. i know that they called me on purpose.... it was too random for it to be a butt dial. and if it was. then thats one talented butt. i wish people would just... do something, or not do something. you cant just go halfway and turn around. at least admit to what you were trying to do. yes?

and i run to you.

stories and sticky pages.

i had a wonderful weekend full of surprises this weekend. including some serious quality time with my beautiful, annemarie, crossroads, hot chocolate, stawberry ice cream, stargazing and cell phone soccer, and sleeping under layers of blankets. i saw FIVE shooting stars last night! best.night.ever. :) love you babycakes.

all is love.

listening to the where the wild things are soundtrack.

drinking sugary coffee.

and about to work on my talk/discussion for bible study.

and then, a trip to the library, my new favorite place.

its a good day.

carla bruni

instrumentals.

the rest of my afternoon will be spent.... drinking tea, reading "the things they carried", listening to yann tiersen and dario marianelli, finishing homework...and trying to keep my mind focused. :)

invisible children tonight. im so excited for it.

this is why im happy.

annemarie brought me a pumpkin! a pretty little baby pumpkin! and i bought a new coffee mug from anthro! adding to my collection.... :) and i bought two shirts for a grand total of.... $10.39! love love love sales.

some kind of magic happens late at night.

i love "brand new day"by joshua radin.

ive been so busy lately.

im excited about the drawing class ill be taking at vcu starting next week.

im doing relatively okay in school.

im still figuring out the schools i want to apply to for fall 2011.

all i can think about is summer. it ended much too soon, and was the best one yet.

im having a really hard time deciding on colleges, mainly because, i cannot imagine leaving a few people. yes...most people im okay with leaving, but a few...i just cant. and its so hard to just try to push those thoughts out of my head, so that i can put myself and what i want first.

and then i start thinking....maybe its not such a terrible thing that i cant leave them....

late night. lots of thoughts.

g'night kids.

nicholasrobert.

How you live is always going to matter more than how long you do.

identity theft.

i feel like my identity is constantly being stolen. well, maybe not the whole thing, just bits and pieces here and there. yeah, maybe that sounds hypocritical. true, everyone is affected by their surroundings. true, its hard to be a completely unique human being.... but i am never afraid to like/dislike something, no matter if its the "hottest" thing, or the "lamest". i wish people were just more confident in themselves, and i wish that they were more anxious to discover their true identity instead of try and mold themselves into someone elses identity.

i do what i want to do, i like what i want to like, i wear what i want to wear, i say what i want to say... i am me. tess. and i want to stay that way.

"You see, Wendy, when the first baby laughed for the first time, its laugh broke into a thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies."

chapter 2

a new day.

well....let's see. i may make a list today, because i have many random thoughts... :)

*i found a website that reads peter pan aloud. i'm listening to a chapter {or two} a night. im in love.

*today i had a NAHS meeting, and i am very excited for some of the things that we are trying to plan.

*today is my first day at hollister. i have a 5-9 shift. updates later! im so nervous...

*i have to go work on my art project and other random to-do's now, but, ill check in again later.

have a wonderful thursday!

All children, except one, grow up.

"Of all delectable islands the Neverland is the snuggest and most compact, not large and sprawly, you know, with tedious distances between one adventure and another, but nicely crammed. When you play at it by day with the chairs and table-cloth, it is not in the least alarming, but in the two minutes before you go to sleep it becomes very real. That is why there are night-lights. "

-peter pan, chapter 1

so over it.

i am so over the middle of a night texts from colin and jesse regarding opposums and looking out windows and recieving mail.... third night in a row now. and i really just want to hit one of them. or both....

productiveness, now rest.

wow, my tedious to do list is complete/underway! i feel so good about myself right now! like im actually being useful! its really great. haha. so, everything today went splendid, and now i am home, and about to get started on my first art project. two dresses in two weeks... this, my friends is going to be interesting! thank goodness all my distractions are out of town/busy! haha, well....here we gooooooooooooooo!

nervous tummy.

tomorrow is going to be a busy busy day! its austin's birthday, i have a senior picture appointment at 1pm, and a job interview for hollister at 4pm. my nerves are all over the place! i really need a job.... prayers would be beyond lovely! nighty night!

excited.

this weekend is gonna rock!

lock-in {maybe}

farmers market

tanning

watermelon festival

hangin out with my buddy buddy ;)

oh, and saranac kids get back sunday!

i cannot wait....

inspired by fiction

so, i just finished this book.it's about a girl, and she struggles with the same thing that always keeps me in my safety box when it comes to art. there is a painting in the book, called "lulu meets god and doubts him". its huge, and it is of this girl holding a canvas and a dripping paintbrush, and its HUGE. like, 9'x12' and basically, its about the process of doing art. when creating something, there is this feeling that you get, when you are painting or drawing, or sculpting, or whatever, where your mind just goes to that other place, and some outside force just kinda, takes over... well, the author of the book kinda discribes this as "meeting god"... but, this girl's problem, which is also mine, is that, at some point during the creative process, i look at what i am doing, and think, "ugh, this is total crap'. doubt steps in. and that magic moment of 'meeting god' is shattered.

so, while i was reading this, i totally connected to this fictional piece of artwork, and the very real feelings it represented...a few months ago, i attempted to do a self portrait, but it turned out absolutely horrible, and i kinda gave up on drawing myself, or any people for that matter. but sitting here, reading this book, i thought. okay. lets try this again.... so, i cleared off my table in front of the mirror, and sat on a stool, turned on long division and davids music... and sat for thirty ish minutes....

and this is what i got.

soory for this lengthy post, i try to avoid them...but, i feel like part of me being more comfortable with my own artistic abilities is having the courage and confidence to admit that i am not perfect, but i am passionate about what im doing, and that is what really matters.

the sun's gonna rise in a mile.

wow, even though i am cuddled up in my sweatshirt and leggings, and drinking hot tea, im still cold! and the greatest part...im outside! its crazy that its the end of july and im shivering. haha, im definitely not in richmond anymore! the tea im drinking right now says "cup of joy" on the tag, and that my friends is exactly how i feel today, joyful. haha, ill be home in a week, so people better be making plans for next weekend. oh yeah, my pool is open! sooooooo.... pool party at my house soon?? yess... i think so!

silverstein's summer.

by me.

lessons learned.

this is my one hundredth post, so i thought id do a wish/dream list and summary. in other words, a crazy rambling of my thoughts.

i have learned so so much about myself over the past few months. two thousand and ten has been a wonderful year for me. i am discovering how to be confident, adventurous, spontanious, positive, optimistic, and how to have a healthy image of myself.

i have learned how to be a good friend. ive learned how to have grace, and how wonderful it is to recieve it. i have also learned that trust cannot be put in everyone, and that it is important that others trust me, and i need to value trust much more.

i have learned that the way i look at my body, and myself as a human being, is much more affected by me than outside forces. i can see/hear things, but it is my choice to let them get to me.

i have learned that life cannot be planned. and it's better that way.

i have learned that i need to be patient. and im working on it.

i have learned that it is so much easier to get along with my sister instead of fighting with her about useless things. because i love her, and i want to be able to help her grow up, and hopefully, learn from my mistakes and avoid making the same ones. i really do love her.

i have learned many other things, and i know i will learn many more.

but for now, happy thursday! and goodnight!

i am not tired at all.

even though it is definitely 1:24 in the morning right now. my headache has been gone for a little while now, and ive been sidetracked looking at awesome things on the internet...oh, blog world, how you keep me from sleeping... haha. but i love it. and im also loving these:

okay..time update---> 2:05

and...now that you have a rather good representation of what ive been distracting myself by tonight {tumblr blogs.weheartit.yay!everyday} i think i am going to have to say goodnight. i just may be tired now... mayyybe ;) night!

ugh, headaches.

i had a wonderful day, but right now... my head is aching terribly, and i just want to lay around in bed for, well.... twelve hours.

so, im reading this book right now, and im almost done. its not the happiest of selections, but i find it extremely intriguing. do i recommend it? yeah, but only if you can take it. it gets pretty rough in parts. not necessarily violence. but moreso, the state of mind taken by the characters. they basically leave their life to the trash. and its hard to read about.

lessons in independence and self-worth

“what you SHOULD most likely do is just live. live your life by furthering YOU. whether that’s in arts, or projects, or whatever - build yourself, keep running toward a personal goal and don’t be distracted by the guys on the sidelines. what i’m saying is don’t LOOK for a guy - that’ll just keep you from concentrating on what you need to be concentrating on… instead..you’ll see him running toward a common goal right next to you when you know it’s him”

i am tess. im a dreamer. i can be who i want. i can do anything my heart desires. i can live a meaningful life. i can have fun. i am worth something. i can be happy. i can dance. i can smile. i can laugh! :) happy tuesday all, and do something for yourselves! dance to the music, eat a huge bowl of ice cream, dress up and hit the town! we have one life girls, so live it!

july eighteenth.

a more visual representation. ;)

when you wish...

i'm in a very princessy mood today.may have to pull out a disney princess movie tonight... sweet dreams and happy wishes!

and there is comfort in the sound.

some more journal pages! haha, many of these were actually done in the back of my 6th period history class. i think mr. moore just kinda accepted me as the artsy girl, and blinded his eyes to my extreme version of "doodling". i really was paying attention though. i promise ; )